Part Thirteen

Drifting

Motivation: Harry Connick Jr., Drifting

…I feel your coldness against my skin… I know what follows the autumn wind…and though you say your heart isn’t drifting, drifting…  the words simply don’t ring true… you’re drifting and I’m losing you…

Sydney watched as the two people she valued the most in this world got closer, coming to a stop a mere twenty feet from her hiding place. Then she watched them get closer. They were talking about something, casually, just shuffling along side by side as she had seen them do on many occasions...

Karen was slightly to Nigel’s left, maybe a step or two behind and closing the gap. Hovering like a buzzard waiting for the first available window of opportunity, Sydney thought. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, unfortunately, with the sound of the surf beating against the shore: but from the way they were reacting to one another at first, it was like they were definitely being reflective about something. As they ambled ever closer, she was soon able to pick out bits and pieces of their conversation. He apologised to Karen for something, but for what, Sydney couldn't tell. It looked like Karen was brushing off whatever it was, because they both started to laugh about it, and walked a bit closer.

"What do you say Nige... we’re all alone..."

Sydney gasped aloud, hoping she hadn’t given herself away. Within a few seconds of that, the girl had him by the hand and then by the lips! Sydney could not tear her eyes away from the spectacle. So it really was true... This made it official, Karen and Nigel were seeing each other! A small part of her had hoped that maybe this was all some sort of joke. Disheartened, she sank down to the sand and turned away, but that didn’t stop her from hearing everything they were saying or did. There was no nightmare worse than seeing someone you love giving everything you considered sacred to another. She tried to cover her ears, she averted her eyes, but she still knew what was happening. There was no escape. She was trapped, and until they left, she would have to stay there.

The alcohol in Sydney’s system eventually began to take a stronger hold of her senses, or lack of them at this point, and she slumped against a log, trying to block the sounds of their lovemaking from her mind. She had a right mind to just march out there and drag them both back to her place by the scruffs of their necks, but that wasn’t a realistic option at all. How could she barge in on something like that? How could she not? The right thing to do about Nigel evaded Sydney Fox for the millionth time since losing her baby. She was slipping. Her thinking had become fuzzy and separated, leaving her feeling more alone than she really was. After what felt like forever, sleep finally did claim Sydney and she closed her eyes at last, drifting away...

"What's the matter, Mummy, why are you crying?"

Dear God in heaven... Sydney’s eyes slowly fluttered open, finding herself back in a garden she swore she would never forget. And there, not three feet away standing and smiling at her, was her and Nigel’s precious Sophie.

"Mummy, what are you doing back here? You really should be with Daddy." Sophie settled her pretty hazel eyes on her mother and shook her finger accusingly. "He needs you!"

"Oh, Sophie..." Sydney could hardly speak. She never thought she would have this sweet dream again, but why did something so wonderful feel so bad? Was it because the child was right, and Sydney knew it? So, what did she do next, she ignored her daughter's question. "May I hold you, please honey?"

The little girl climbed into her mother's lap without hesitation and circled her arms around Sydney's waist. Laying her head on her mother's breast she released a frustrated, mournful sigh. "I know why you’re here again, Mummy."

"You do?" Syd asked, and chuckled a little, despite the tears in her eyes. "So tell me little one, why I am here?"

Sophie lifted her head and gazed into her mother’s sad, sad face. "Because you won’t let Daddy come home... because you told Daddy you didn't need me. You don't want to remember me, Mummy, and I don't understand why..."

There were no words to explain how she felt. Just sadness.

"If you don’t do something soon, Daddy's going to drift away, and never come back! I know you need him, and he really needs you. God said it's going to be too late... If that happens, I’ll never get born!"

Part Fourteen

His Own Eyes

Nigel gratefully crawled into his bed, having shaken and dusted as much sand from his hair and body as he could. Karen had selfishly insisted she be the first one in the shower unless he wanted to join her, and he didn't argue. Nigel just politely declined citing exhaustion, and proceeded to his room, grumbling under his breath all the way. Maybe he could pretend he was sleeping by the time she got out and she would leave him alone! It annoyed him to no end that the girl literally clung to his arm all the way home, giddy and behaving like they were some sort of actual couple. That was not what he had planned when he agreed to the tryst, and he was actually angry she let him believe otherwise. Unfortunately, that anger carried over into his bed.

…forty-five minutes later…

The sheets were crisp, clean and soft, but his restless mind refused to let him turn in and fade out. Or was that a remorseful mind? he wondered. After tossing and turning for near a half an hour in the dark, Nigel finally lay flat on his back out of frustration and stared up to the ceiling in defeat. This just wasn’t working… His entire plan for this trip had been to start feeling better and to try to forget he and Sydney Fox had ever even shared a kind word, let alone a relationship! Now here he was… Beautiful Karen was in the next room, coming onto him every other minute, and Sydney was on the island, making up imaginary relics to use as an excuse to spend time with him! Why these women couldn’t just tell him exactly what they wanted was utterly maddening to him, and was no wonder still sleep continued to evade him.

…twenty minutes later…

What was wrong with him, anyway? Karen was just using him to get through the night, he hoped, and as much as he had enjoyed it at the time, he still felt like he had been unfaithful to his heart. Such a rotten thing, regret, he thought, and it was probably the very reason he couldn't sleep now. The subconscious mind that would willingly admit to loving Sydney beyond reason was now punishing him for his indiscretions!

…ten minutes later…

He could still hear Karen shuffling around in her room, and was eternally thankful she hadn’t come knocking on his door. Was she loud and inconsiderate! he thought, hearing her monkeying around with the clock radio’s alarm setting. Well, at least she was keeping to herself. He didn't have the energy for another go around, and he didn't want another one. He decided soon after that this would be the one and only time he would ever make an error in judgment this bad. Karen was a wonderful woman, but he didn't love her. On the way back, he got the feeling she might have put a little more stock into it than she had originally claimed to. He certainly hoped not, but with Karen, things were more likely to change at a moment's notice before they stayed the same.

Thinking he had probably beaten himself up enough by now, he knew he had to try and get some shut-eye. Turning onto his right side, he brought both hands up to his head and closed his eyes.

…one hour later...

Nigel hated it when the bloody dog would sneak onto his bed after he'd gone to sleep. She would always lie straight across his legs, restricting his movement and cutting off his circulation. Cranky and somewhat asleep, he kicked his leg to remove her, but still the weight was unmoved…

"What’cha doing?"

"I'm… oh… go away…" He absently replied, not realising at first that he was not speaking to the dog.

"But I can’t go away until you talk to me…"

"Oh holy hell… just… get off… my bed… if you don't, I'll… make mum put you… out!" he complained, not really aware of his surroundings.

"“Oh how silly," the voice giggled, "You can’t put me out! They said you were very silly and a lot of fun!"

Okay, now he was fully awake. Without lifting his head, he remained grumpy and unreceptive. "Karen, go back to your own bed."

"Who’s Karen?"

His eyes flickered open instantly, realising that little female voice didn't belong to Karen and certainly wasn’t American… Its tone was like his... exactly the same, in fact. Turning slowly in his bed and looking down, he saw a small child sitting across his legs and smiling at him. Imagine his surprise when he looked into his own eyes.

Part Fifteen

Drifting Again

...I see your eyes, drifting... drifting... I'm really not that naive. You wear a smile, but it's drifting... drifting... while I wear my heart on my sleeve. And though you say your heart isn't drifting... the words simply don't ring true. You're drifting and I'm losing you...

"Who… who and how?"

"Don’t be scared," she said, knowing that he wasn't in that comfortable safe mode humans called sleep, as her mother was. They were always harder to talk to when they were fully cognisant. No, she had to deal with Daddy head on, and it wasn't going to be easy. "I'm Sophie, and I wanted to say thank you for such a beautiful name. The other kids are jealous that I got you for my daddy!"

She looked real, sounded real, but he was surely hallucinating. There was no other reasonable explanation for there to be a small girl at the foot of his bed, laughing at him. Narrowing his eyes, he stared at her, willing her away. "This isn't real," he stated matter-of-factly, and promptly lay back down on his pillow, pulling the sheet up over his head. "I must be crazy…"

"No, you're not crazy, you're just confused. Let's go someplace we can talk."

Nigel was sweating and his heart was thumping.

"Daddy?"

He whipped the sheet from his head and sat back up. She was still there, sitting cross legged with her elbows propped on her knees and her head resting in her upturned palms, every inch a Bailey. She batted her long brown lashes at him and smiled innocently. She may have taken after him in physical aspects, but she had Sydney's mannerisms and personality down pat.

"You're…"

"I am!" She scooted closer until they were knee to knee, and she looked up at him, a rather studious expression on her cherubic face. Her head moved from side to side, inspecting him, just as he was doing to her. "Thank you, Daddy, for keeping my doll for me until I can come and look after her myself."

The doll! Nigel reached over to his nightstand and opened the drawer, bringing out the only Sophie he had ever known, until now. "She's here," he said, and handed it over to the ethereal Sophie. She took it from him and gazed lovingly at her toy, running her small fingers over the front of it and sighed. "You can have her back…"

"No, no Daddy, I can’t." She was shaking her head back and forth sadly.

Nigel was sure she was going to start crying, and he suddenly had this overwhelming urge to scoop her into his arms and comfort her. "Why not?"

She leveled her grey-green eyes on him, her face incredibly serious. "I can't have her back until I come to live in the real world. And until I can, you and Mummy need this more than I do." She gave it back to Nigel. “If I do…"

"If?" He didn't understand… yet.

Sophie made a tiny fist and covered it with her other hand, then placed them both over her heart. "I tried to come to the real world already, but I got called back. It wasn't the right time. You see, I can never come to the real world unless you and Mummy are together, because you're the ones that I picked out. You're the ones I want, and God told me I could have you, but… but…"

"But what, Sweetheart?" he asked her, and a strange overprotective feeling engulfed him. All he wanted to do at that moment was make her happy, to see that smile again. "Tell me, what I can do to help you?"

She crawled up onto his lap and wrapped her little arms about his neck. "I'm scared…" Her words were barely a whisper against his ear. "Don’t let her do it, Daddy…"

"Do what?" He folded her against him and bowed his head next to hers, feeling her little body quake. It was so real…

Sophie pulled away just enough to look into his eyes, connecting with him on a level he had never before experienced. "Don't let her give up, Daddy, please. I tried to help her, but, but…" Her bottom lip quivered and her eyes were languid pools of emotion. "I can't do it all by, all by myself! This is the one and only time you'll ever get to hold me, if you don't do something… soon. Don't ever let me go, Daddy…"

Nigel leaned back in the bed, taking her with him, and hugged her very close. "Nothing, and I promise you, Sophie, nothing is going to stop me from ever holding you again." That was a vow he intended to keep. Cradling her in his arms, he stroked her hair and rocked gently back and forth as she snuggled up against the curve of his shoulder, content to stay for now.